Anonymous story 6

For almost a year, the boy who my parents trusted more than anything, abused me. He used coercive control, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual harassment, digital abuse, stalking, gaslighting, and social isolation to manipulate, intimidate, and degrade me. He took almost everything away from me, but now I'm taking it back, I'm making it MY life again. I'm not staying silent anymore, here is my story.

We briefly dated for less than a week, during which I felt powerless, scared and trapped. Despite telling him I hadn’t eaten and didn’t want to drink, he coerced and pressured me into drinking, ignoring my repeated "no"s. When I said I wanted to go home, he refused, instead forcing me to stay with him and his friends. I felt pressured and defenceless and only hours later was I allowed to leave. Days later, he again tried to force me to drink and insisted we enter my best friend's accommodation room. I refused, but he pressured me, demanded access to her room, and forced me to trespass. He then went through my phone, deleted contacts, and forced me to keep my location on at all times. He refused to let me go home alone and made sexually suggestive jokes during the drive home, despite my clear discomfort. Later on he told me how "he was such a good guy because he drove me home," even though I was terrified that whole time. He enjoyed telling me how "he was a good guy because he didn't r3pe me."

After I ended the romantic relationship, he insisted we stay in contact as 'friends.' It grew into post-relationship abuse, and his abuse escalated. His friends socially harassed me, and he blamed me for “hurting” him for breaking up within such a small time span. Even though we were not romantically 'together,' he accused me of "cheating on him" when I was with another man. This intensified verbal abuse and he started calling me degrading names. When he was angry at me for not wanting to get back together with him, he blocked me, gave me the silent treatment numerous times.

He constantly monitored my location and who I followed on social media, threatened me by saying that he would "jump out a window" if he saw me with my friends again - forcing me to block my best friends. He twisted my words, told others I was manipulative, and then shifted the blame to me, saying things like "I was always the problem and never him." He disregarded my physical boundaries and medical needs, once picking me up and throwing me into saltwater after I repeatedly said no. He demeaned my work, blamed his health issues on me, and showed no empathy when I shared my trauma. He built a trauma bond by hurting me, then comforting me, blaming me, then forgiving me, degrading me, then telling me he cared, isolating me, then being my only friend.

When I went no contact, he harassed me for hours and said I would be “lonely without him.” It took me 8 hours to tell him that I wanted to go no contact, he kept on giving me ultimatums and threats. After beginning no contact, his friends resumed harassing me, blamed me for his emotional state and drunk driving, and called me a “slut and whore” when I tried to help. The harassment continued online. When I asked him to stop, he lashed out again before pretending to care - telling me "get help bc ur insane.. but you can always talk to me if you need."

I later went to a psychologist, told her my story, thinking I was to blame. She looked at me and asked if I "knew anything about coercive control?" I left in tears. It was not my fault.

He has since been charged with physical assault against another person. As terrifying as that is, I feel lucky I got out before he became physical with me.

If it's safe enough, leave. No matter if he is your romantic partner or not, if he chooses to hurt you, he will choose abuse over you. He cares about power and control, not you. He will not change. Leave when you can. Learn the signs of coercive control before it is named in your life. Xx